Search

Honesty vs. People-Pleasing


Lately, we've had the opportunity to practice working with others in a lot of new capacities - training and managing employees, producing a feature film with our team, and of course parenting (the endless challenge).

While practicing the skill of managing people, we're reminded of the importance of NOT trying to manage people's emotions. Trying to control other people's feelings is people-pleasing. And there's a big difference between people-pleasing and honesty.

Honesty is being true to yourself. People-pleasing is infidelity to self because when you people-please, you try to change yourself so that others will approve.

Our modern vocabulary is full of phrases fueling the belief that we are responsible for other people's emotions or reactions. Phrases such as, "he made me mad," "I just fell in love," or "how could she do that to him." Nobody can make you feel anything and emotions don't just happen to you either.

Honesty is owning your own experience of this life and allowing others to choose their own experience too. Sometimes people will want to be mad at you. Sometimes they'll tell you what they think you should do differently. That's ok. That's their experience, not yours.

Sometimes honesty is saying, "I love you, but no." People-pleasing is saying yes when you want to say no, which fosters resentment instead of love.

It can be scary to be vulnerable and share what you really think or feel. People will reject and dislike you for it. But when you do, you'll find those who love you without any pretending. And that's a beautiful thing.